I contain multitude
Mar. 4th, 2026 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
witchpoetdreamerOne thing I find interesting about people in general (and myself in particular) is the ability to show different facets of who we are in a wide variety of ways. Sometimes, when I post something, I go XD and ^^ and leave a small mess of emojis, and sometimes I'm super serious and use bigger words than I normally would. I see that in all of my communications with others as well. It's been drilled into my head that, when writing, especially when writing in any way public, the audience must be at the forefront of my mind. That is, when someone takes writing seriously. Which I used to do, so much so that it kinda killed my love for writing for a while. (Yes, this is a post on writing.)
I still enjoy feeling serious about writing. I still do care about using the right words at the right time, about the effect certain words stringed together can create. I can tell from the very first sentence whether or not I will like the writing of a book. A lot of people tell me I'm too harsh, that I should give the book more of a chance to introduce itself, and to that I say maybe. Great writing doesn't always mean great story. But what is a great story anyway?
...What is a great story anyway?
I think I've focused so much on the technical aspect of writing that I've forgotten to ever ask myself that question. What is a great story? What is a great story for me? I don't know if I can answer that question. What are the stories that have been the most important to me? What stories moved me the most?
As a toddler, according to my baby book, the story I wanted to hear the most often was Cinderella. This tells me that I liked pretty dresses, magic, rising above one's circumstances, and happy endings (although who can really know what my toddler mind liked the most. Perhaps it was just a good time with my mother. Perhaps it was my mother's choice to read that one to me specifically.)
As a child, Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, and the franco-japanese Les Mysterieuses Cites d'Or were my favourite. The latter I would weep if I missed a single episode, even if it was a rerun. All showed me the world is much bigger than what I've previously known. All introduced me to the concepts of injustice, teaching me right from wrong, good from evil (god knows my parents certainly didn't). I liked the pretty colours, the adventure, the heroism. I like the casual way magic and science created something wonderful. I liked the happy endings. Pocahontas in particular showed me the leading lady doesn't have to end with the first leading man she meets for her to be happy, something Pocahontas II, despite it's flaws, further confirmed.
As a teen, Inuyasha became my new obsession, much to my father's disapproval. I never got to finish it, hence why I'm watching it all again for the first time with my wife. It continued the trend of further enlarging my horizon, showing me new cultures still, and introducing me to the concept that right and wrong isn't necessarily a binary, that there is a grey area in the middle, that the human experience of emotions is vast and complicated. That people can change. I liked the drawing style, still new to me at the time. I like the adventure, the tension of relationships, the will-they won't-they. I liked the way magic and people's regular lives were intertwined, for better or worse. I still don't know if it's a happy ending (no spoilers please).
Around the same time, the stories I liked the most were the stories I could talk about with my friends. Harry Potter was popular (I liked the fantasy of an abused child finally being able to leave his home, find power, find love, a baby step into acknowledging my own abuse. Fuck JKR.). Les Chevaliers d'Emeraude was just as popular (I will never forgive the author for ending a 12 BOOKS SERIES with a cliffhanger to get people to read ANOTHER 12 BOOKS SERIES. How fucking greedy can you get??? Also, the series was my very first introduction to fantasy in another world entirely. No links to anything in the real world I'd ever known.) and more of my friends read it than they did Harry Potter, so the discussions about these books were more lively. Neither had great endings. Sure, the evil overlords were defeated, but both worlds still stank of something unfinished.
I think it might have been around that time that I became slightly disillusioned about stories. I still loved the idea of them. Still collected them, in the form of books and DVDs. But I didn't consume them. I didn't allow myself to be consumed by them either. Not even those I was writing myself.
The first story I've ever written was a fantasy novel set both in our world and another I invented completely. An isekai of some sort, before I even knew what isekais were (though I did know of the concept even if not of the term). An abused and neglected teenage girl finds herself in another world where her true parents are from, a royal of some sorts. The young man who found her to bring her back was both her body guard and her love interest. Every other characters in the book were closely inspired by my friends. It had everything I've ever liked: a Cinderella story of some sort, rising above one's circumstances, a story of adventure, of ordinary and powerful magic, of the complexity between good and evil. Something to talk about with my friends. A happy ending for everyone involved, not with the first man ever met, but with the second. And something new, taken from what I've heard through the grapevine rather than something I saw myself: the concept of death as a character (Death Note was *really* popular at the time). I never finished writing it. Partly out of fear of not writing an ending that would suit it well, partly because a teacher introduced me to the concept of writing as a career, and the pressure became too much for me to bear.
I have since then found stories that truly made my heart sing in all the right ways. Avatar: The Last Airbender. The Lord of the Rings (Peter Jackson). The Good Place. Do Revenge. Austenland. The Magic of Ordinary Days. None of these are books (although some were adaptations of). Most of my books are still sitting on my shelves, gathering dust rather than being read. It's a shame really. But at least I know they are there, ready for me to pick them up when the time is right.
I think I still hold a grudge towards books from all those years ago when those two authors chose to offer the most milquetoast endings possible (if not the worst.) It is one thing to get me to sit down for just an hour or two (at most three) and offer me something basic meant purely for my entertainment. It's another entirely to have me seated for many hours of many days and leave me hanging, feeling like I've wasted my time learning to care for characters and places and plotlines that lead nowhere.
Let me rephrase: I do not hold a grudge towards books. I hold a grudge towards book series. It's made even worst by the fact that the stories I have in mind to write seem solely made for multiple volumes rather than a single one. And it's frustrating! See, I have lied earlier: there are book series that sang to my heart the same those movies did: The Hunger Games trilogy. But it is not a trilogy anymore, is it not? Artemis Fowl. I absolutely adored the first three, because it was promised and sold to be a trilogy only, and the ending was somewhat open, but the main storyline was done. I was absolutely satisfied with it. But what did Eoin Colfer do? Write 5 more. And then some, because now there's a series following Artemis's twin brothers. And my god were those books awful. 4 and 5? Sure, maybe, not bad but not great. 6, 7 and 8? I have absolutely no memory of the plot. All I remember is that 1 - book 7 could have not existed at all and nothing would've changed in the story and 2 - Colfer got the teenage boy to kiss the 60 something year old faery, the first "girl" he's ever met (at the age of 12) that isn't family or servants. And, let's go back to Rowling, shall we? Before the whole black mold brain thing: she promised only a 7 book series. Promised there would never be a sequel. What do we get a few years later? The Cursed Child.
No. No, no, no! Stop that!
It's such a particular (and particularly stupid) pet peeve! It's even the easiest pet peeve to avoid! Just read single novel stories! Well I did! And guess what?! It got a fucking sequel! Because it was a surprise duology! It was *not* announced as a duology when it first got out! And the ending was perfectly acceptable as it was, a little bit open but nothing like a cliffhanger! And now I'm scared to read the sequel because what if the ending is not good!? Or not even perfectly acceptable?
There are certainly nuances to talk about here: yes, I still read books despite my bookshelves getting dusty (the library is my friend, what can I say?). While I am still somewhat disillusioned about stories, I still enjoy plenty of them. I've been particularly fond of Kelly Barnhill's writing. I've most recently discovered the writing of Katherine Arden and her Winternight trilogy. I've enjoyed Holly Black's writing and series as well (I contain multitude, remember?).
I'm not opposed to book series as a concept. I've been burnt by more than a few of them, that is true. And I'm probably more than just a tad neurospicy about that as well. I think for the most part I'm scared of caring so much for stories when many of them let me down. Books were the only friends I could trust for a big period of my formative years, so to read stories that don't leave me in awe at the end definitely felt like a betrayal of my trust and my time. What do you mean I've invested so much in you only for you to suck at the end?
Does it mean that the stories that are great for me are those with a good ending? I don't think I need quite a happy ending anymore, even though they're the ones I prefer, but I do need an ending that makes sense. That makes writing all the more difficult though. A good beginning is always what will hook me in (the quality of the writing matters to me (says I, Scum Villain afficionado)), but a good ending will always make or break the whole story for me. And the truth of it all is, it's impossible for me to say what constitutes a good ending, because I've never written one.
I contain multitude. I say some things with certainty, while saying the exact opposite with the same amount of authority. Was this really about writing, or was this about unwinding a knot at the center of my psyche, never touched because overall unimportant in the grand scheme of things? Books are things, but also friends I've carried with me for the longest time. Books are friends, but also things that have brought the same amount of solace as they have brought distress. I want to write stories so I can finally let the friends that came to me meet the friends I created, inspired by them. This is about multitude. This is about a lonely child. This is about learning to trust. This is a beginning.
I still enjoy feeling serious about writing. I still do care about using the right words at the right time, about the effect certain words stringed together can create. I can tell from the very first sentence whether or not I will like the writing of a book. A lot of people tell me I'm too harsh, that I should give the book more of a chance to introduce itself, and to that I say maybe. Great writing doesn't always mean great story. But what is a great story anyway?
...What is a great story anyway?
I think I've focused so much on the technical aspect of writing that I've forgotten to ever ask myself that question. What is a great story? What is a great story for me? I don't know if I can answer that question. What are the stories that have been the most important to me? What stories moved me the most?
As a toddler, according to my baby book, the story I wanted to hear the most often was Cinderella. This tells me that I liked pretty dresses, magic, rising above one's circumstances, and happy endings (although who can really know what my toddler mind liked the most. Perhaps it was just a good time with my mother. Perhaps it was my mother's choice to read that one to me specifically.)
As a child, Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, and the franco-japanese Les Mysterieuses Cites d'Or were my favourite. The latter I would weep if I missed a single episode, even if it was a rerun. All showed me the world is much bigger than what I've previously known. All introduced me to the concepts of injustice, teaching me right from wrong, good from evil (god knows my parents certainly didn't). I liked the pretty colours, the adventure, the heroism. I like the casual way magic and science created something wonderful. I liked the happy endings. Pocahontas in particular showed me the leading lady doesn't have to end with the first leading man she meets for her to be happy, something Pocahontas II, despite it's flaws, further confirmed.
As a teen, Inuyasha became my new obsession, much to my father's disapproval. I never got to finish it, hence why I'm watching it all again for the first time with my wife. It continued the trend of further enlarging my horizon, showing me new cultures still, and introducing me to the concept that right and wrong isn't necessarily a binary, that there is a grey area in the middle, that the human experience of emotions is vast and complicated. That people can change. I liked the drawing style, still new to me at the time. I like the adventure, the tension of relationships, the will-they won't-they. I liked the way magic and people's regular lives were intertwined, for better or worse. I still don't know if it's a happy ending (no spoilers please).
Around the same time, the stories I liked the most were the stories I could talk about with my friends. Harry Potter was popular (I liked the fantasy of an abused child finally being able to leave his home, find power, find love, a baby step into acknowledging my own abuse. Fuck JKR.). Les Chevaliers d'Emeraude was just as popular (I will never forgive the author for ending a 12 BOOKS SERIES with a cliffhanger to get people to read ANOTHER 12 BOOKS SERIES. How fucking greedy can you get??? Also, the series was my very first introduction to fantasy in another world entirely. No links to anything in the real world I'd ever known.) and more of my friends read it than they did Harry Potter, so the discussions about these books were more lively. Neither had great endings. Sure, the evil overlords were defeated, but both worlds still stank of something unfinished.
I think it might have been around that time that I became slightly disillusioned about stories. I still loved the idea of them. Still collected them, in the form of books and DVDs. But I didn't consume them. I didn't allow myself to be consumed by them either. Not even those I was writing myself.
The first story I've ever written was a fantasy novel set both in our world and another I invented completely. An isekai of some sort, before I even knew what isekais were (though I did know of the concept even if not of the term). An abused and neglected teenage girl finds herself in another world where her true parents are from, a royal of some sorts. The young man who found her to bring her back was both her body guard and her love interest. Every other characters in the book were closely inspired by my friends. It had everything I've ever liked: a Cinderella story of some sort, rising above one's circumstances, a story of adventure, of ordinary and powerful magic, of the complexity between good and evil. Something to talk about with my friends. A happy ending for everyone involved, not with the first man ever met, but with the second. And something new, taken from what I've heard through the grapevine rather than something I saw myself: the concept of death as a character (Death Note was *really* popular at the time). I never finished writing it. Partly out of fear of not writing an ending that would suit it well, partly because a teacher introduced me to the concept of writing as a career, and the pressure became too much for me to bear.
I have since then found stories that truly made my heart sing in all the right ways. Avatar: The Last Airbender. The Lord of the Rings (Peter Jackson). The Good Place. Do Revenge. Austenland. The Magic of Ordinary Days. None of these are books (although some were adaptations of). Most of my books are still sitting on my shelves, gathering dust rather than being read. It's a shame really. But at least I know they are there, ready for me to pick them up when the time is right.
I think I still hold a grudge towards books from all those years ago when those two authors chose to offer the most milquetoast endings possible (if not the worst.) It is one thing to get me to sit down for just an hour or two (at most three) and offer me something basic meant purely for my entertainment. It's another entirely to have me seated for many hours of many days and leave me hanging, feeling like I've wasted my time learning to care for characters and places and plotlines that lead nowhere.
Let me rephrase: I do not hold a grudge towards books. I hold a grudge towards book series. It's made even worst by the fact that the stories I have in mind to write seem solely made for multiple volumes rather than a single one. And it's frustrating! See, I have lied earlier: there are book series that sang to my heart the same those movies did: The Hunger Games trilogy. But it is not a trilogy anymore, is it not? Artemis Fowl. I absolutely adored the first three, because it was promised and sold to be a trilogy only, and the ending was somewhat open, but the main storyline was done. I was absolutely satisfied with it. But what did Eoin Colfer do? Write 5 more. And then some, because now there's a series following Artemis's twin brothers. And my god were those books awful. 4 and 5? Sure, maybe, not bad but not great. 6, 7 and 8? I have absolutely no memory of the plot. All I remember is that 1 - book 7 could have not existed at all and nothing would've changed in the story and 2 - Colfer got the teenage boy to kiss the 60 something year old faery, the first "girl" he's ever met (at the age of 12) that isn't family or servants. And, let's go back to Rowling, shall we? Before the whole black mold brain thing: she promised only a 7 book series. Promised there would never be a sequel. What do we get a few years later? The Cursed Child.
No. No, no, no! Stop that!
It's such a particular (and particularly stupid) pet peeve! It's even the easiest pet peeve to avoid! Just read single novel stories! Well I did! And guess what?! It got a fucking sequel! Because it was a surprise duology! It was *not* announced as a duology when it first got out! And the ending was perfectly acceptable as it was, a little bit open but nothing like a cliffhanger! And now I'm scared to read the sequel because what if the ending is not good!? Or not even perfectly acceptable?
There are certainly nuances to talk about here: yes, I still read books despite my bookshelves getting dusty (the library is my friend, what can I say?). While I am still somewhat disillusioned about stories, I still enjoy plenty of them. I've been particularly fond of Kelly Barnhill's writing. I've most recently discovered the writing of Katherine Arden and her Winternight trilogy. I've enjoyed Holly Black's writing and series as well (I contain multitude, remember?).
I'm not opposed to book series as a concept. I've been burnt by more than a few of them, that is true. And I'm probably more than just a tad neurospicy about that as well. I think for the most part I'm scared of caring so much for stories when many of them let me down. Books were the only friends I could trust for a big period of my formative years, so to read stories that don't leave me in awe at the end definitely felt like a betrayal of my trust and my time. What do you mean I've invested so much in you only for you to suck at the end?
Does it mean that the stories that are great for me are those with a good ending? I don't think I need quite a happy ending anymore, even though they're the ones I prefer, but I do need an ending that makes sense. That makes writing all the more difficult though. A good beginning is always what will hook me in (the quality of the writing matters to me (says I, Scum Villain afficionado)), but a good ending will always make or break the whole story for me. And the truth of it all is, it's impossible for me to say what constitutes a good ending, because I've never written one.
I contain multitude. I say some things with certainty, while saying the exact opposite with the same amount of authority. Was this really about writing, or was this about unwinding a knot at the center of my psyche, never touched because overall unimportant in the grand scheme of things? Books are things, but also friends I've carried with me for the longest time. Books are friends, but also things that have brought the same amount of solace as they have brought distress. I want to write stories so I can finally let the friends that came to me meet the friends I created, inspired by them. This is about multitude. This is about a lonely child. This is about learning to trust. This is a beginning.
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Date: 2026-03-05 07:12 am (UTC)Like last year I read For Whom the Bell Tolls by Jaysea Lynn. That is a top-tier, nearly life changing book for me but at it's core it's a fantasy romance which is not typically my genre. But the things that got me about that book were the long lead up to the romance, the other characters that got to be real fully-formed people, there's a kind of foster kid situation in the mix (which is special to me specifically) and it deals with SO MUCH religious and childhood trauma that I feel like it actually healed some things for me. And like, I love that. Seriously over 5 stars for me.
Then there's like Palimpsest by Catherynne M Valente that truly reignited my love of reading again like 15-ish years ago because it was so unique and heartbreaking and wonderfully, lyrically written. I mean again, top tier 6/5 stars for me and yet I know so many people that bounce off her writing. But that made the book for me.
Truly my Goodreads top 5/5 stars list is all over the place. Would I still give all those books 5 stars? No, probably not. At the time though, that's how they made me feel and that's worth remembering.
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Date: 2026-03-05 06:01 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2026-03-05 09:10 am (UTC)I also think it is possible that you've found yourself within some of these stories from your childhood or teen years, and so I can understand why you'd want an ending that makes sense. I don't know many of the stories you listed, I am afraid, but I can understand that it feels greedy (It most likely also is, I will not lie about this. After all, if something written did great in the past, "why not expand this adventure?" I can really hear this reasoning so clearly, and I never even talked to the people in charge of publishing.). With one story I loved in the past, there have been announcements about two more books to come out when it was supposed to be a trilogy in the first place. But with that, I really like the author... She answers everybody's comments and questions, she is just such a kind soul, and her writing style's something I really admire, so I will still read the 4th and the 5th book, even when I wonder whether it would make sense in this realm. The first book I ever read by her was a oneshot, though, and I loved that one, because it was the book that got me out of a very long reading slump & interested in various topics :D.
I feel right now, I am in a reading slump again. I cannot concentrate on much anymore, and it's frustrating me so much... :( That part you wrote about a 12-book series then ending with a cliffhanger pointing towards another 12-book series... That's certainly not right, and I wonder when the publisher or the author hatched this plan to do that.
I think one of the worst books I ever read was one where I could predict every. single. thing. that would happen throughout the book by the first few sentences. It was also really bad in terms of character development (There was ZERO of that. D: One of the main characters was portrayed as "bored", and because of how her life was portrayed, you got bored quite easily, too... And the main hero was just without any flaws, and that certainly pissed me off. Fear? What's fear? Strength? Give it all to that person! Does he have any kind of, you know, flaw? Naaah, that would create something human in a human character in a story that isn't even fantasy, so... Of course he doesn't need any flaws.). I still wonder why I forced myself to read through that book, and it was one of the few I really gave the lowest rating on Goodreads back then. I think character development is very important to me in writing. And I have to understand why character XYZ gets to the conclusion to change something about their ways, too.
BTW, I haven't watched much of InuYasha in the past, either, but the author also was responsible for Ranma 1/2, and I LOVED that one. Still haven't finished it, of course, as the series was not shown in its entirety in Germany (They stuck to the first two seasons or so?), but... I really liked it. I was also a big fan of the Disney movie Mulan from 1998. And the author whose work I really like that I talked about above: Her name is Marianne Curley. The first book I ever read by her was the German version of "Old Magic".
I honestly do hope you will get to read some books that won't let you down so much when it comes to the ending. I mean, as somebody who was used to happy endings, I was quite shocked when I started reading books by Friedrich Dürrenmatt, because those ones I shouldn't spoil. But they were surprising in a way. Surprising, yet still in many cases, very realistic. I am also a huge fan of Franz Kafka's works. Whenever I find something he's written, I will not just read it, I will likely devour it... I remember there were some short stories and excerpts of his works in my school book for German class, and... I think I read anything that had his name mentioned as the author, even though back then, we NEVER talked about his work. I just felt, the first time I read "The Metamorphosis", that I could understand where Gregor was coming from, and even though it is very surreal in nature, I understood what it was supposed to talk about. Being excluded when you were not valuable to society anymore. That your value was tied to the money you'd bring in... It just hurts on a deep level, but I've read the book several times ever since, and I still am in awe at the story itself.
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Date: 2026-03-05 06:15 pm (UTC)I wrote it in french back then, and sometimes I've thought about working on it in english instead, since my writing style is different (I haven't written stories in french since my early 20's) and it could be a good opportunity to just have fun with writing practice. All this to say, if I ever do work on it again, I'll be sure to share it with you if you'd like!
I've read Ranma 1/2 too! I liked it a lot, but my library didn't have all the volumes unfortunately (I should probably go back into it now XD) I like Rumiko Takahashi's style in general!
I think it definitely does make a difference when you already like an author's writing and they haven't disappointed you yet and they announce new books in their series. For instance: I had never read anything by Eoin Colfer before Artemis Fowl, and I certainly never will again. JKR, never again for sure. Anne Robillard (Les Chevaliers d'Emeraude), never again either. All of these authors were first time authors (for me) who set certain expectations for themselves and didn't deliver well enough to begin with for me to follow them further. Susanne Collins did deliver, but I don't see myself going back to that world, especially knowing where it leads (The Hunger Games is the end of the hardship but those prequels are the beginning and the middle of them, no thank you, real life is enough for that). So in her case specifically, it's less of a feeling of betrayal and more of a feeling the books are not about hope anymore (which I suppose is also something important for me). (I'll definitely look into Marianne Curley's books!)
Kafka has always been fascinating for me! I'm a little bit hesitant to read his work (I think I should be in a good state of mind for that for sure), but he's definitely on my list!
Thank you for your suggestions and thank you for reading!
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Date: 2026-03-06 05:31 pm (UTC)Bruce Coville is kinda the OPPOSITE problem to what you describe; I remember at least three of his series that had okay starts, nothing special, that ENDED like fucking gangbangers. I’ve grown to really appreciate that ability to end strong, despite a shaky beginning. (I will also note that none of them went past four books.)
I’m also at a point where I sometimes WANT to read a creator’s “worse” work, because it allows me to study how they grew and changed as an author, what they had and hadn’t figured out yet. When I read Spider Robinson’s first novel, Telempathy, I see so many of the themes of his work, but before he’d quite figured out how to pull them off. It’s like a living artistic timeline of skill and preference! And also, by studying how HE learned to do it (and when he failed or succeeded, and how or why), I can better learn how to do it myself!
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Date: 2026-03-08 12:54 am (UTC)I also enjoy reading author's "worse" works, but only if they've shown any talent at getting better at all! For those I mentioned, it seems like they either got worst or stagnated the further I got into their subsequent works. For the example of Holly Black, I got into her work from her debut novel and it got better and better the more I read her rather than going downwards (there are exceptions to that, but the one I can think of she wasn't writing on her own so she gets a pass for that). But ya, if I read an author and their work doesn't get better from their debut but gets worst, that's definitely something I take issue with. But if I discover an author later on and read their first works, I'm more likely to read it with less expectations than I would a book they wrote afterwards.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 09:52 am (UTC)CW for Christianity and Church.
I know my mom read to me early on, and later dad. Sadly, the older I got, it was mostly from the category "morally sound books with a Christian agenda". I think I mostly just enjoyed the time I got with my dad. Luckily for me my parents did not monitor what books I read, TV shows I watched, music I listened to or what webpages I was on. I can't imagine what it would have been like without that freedom. There were plenty of sermons and discussions about what animes, books or movies where bad for your, but it was never enforced, and I just remember finding it all just odd.I loved reading from my early school years through my teens, but when I started university it was like I hit a limit. We had to read so much every week I didn't want to see a single letter in my free time.
A couple of years after graduation I got into reading Boys Love manga, which I am still stuck on. I never got back into reading published fiction, but I would start to read non-fiction that wasn't quite as scientifically heavy as what I had read in uni. The majority of books I own now either manga/how to books/text books or art books. I've read one Naruto novel after seeing the movie first. It felt like such an accomplishment.
As opposed to traditionally published books, I had a period in my teens when I read a lot of Sailor Moon fanfiction. Then I stopped for years. I mostly consumed TV shows and movies, and a couple of years after Naruto ended I fell hard for one of the ships, and I've been stuck on that for the last couple of years. It varies if I'm reading, writing or drawing for it.
Very recently, I've discovered poetry, and I'm dipping my toes into reading as well as writing.
I would like to be able to enjoy reading novels again, but I think I can be equally happy without it. I think for me I've kind of found the things I like, so reliving them and still discovering new things about them, feels just as valid. Idk 🙃